you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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