He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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