Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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