is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
