even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
