Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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