Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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