What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You are the jesus of drinking
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
