Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
