dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize