wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I can't turn off my feet"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
