You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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