one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
