i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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