This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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