Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
