My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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