I could have mohawked her pubes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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