McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
