doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
