Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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