After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
