Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
