why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
