God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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