Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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