I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
