So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
