wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
