Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
