did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
