I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
