Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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