You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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