Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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