I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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