I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
do nipples grow back?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
