saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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