maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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