I'm gonna have a badass scar
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Randomize
