Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
