uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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