dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize