I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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