before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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