Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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