True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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