it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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