I cannot find my penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
