I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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