Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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