i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
