i just google imaged poop.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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