I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
