Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize