Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
