If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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