WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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